Thinking Man’s Crumpet. No1: The Crumpet

Thoughts on widely available bakery products considered in respect of attractive TV news presenters
Initially I was going try penning a clever piece on the experience of watching Riz Lateef present London Tonight on BBC1, as I do most evenings. I thought about making references to Debord’s “Society Of The Spectacle” and Baudrillard, perhaps invoking some peripheral thoughts from McLuhan and even notes from Camille Paglia’s essays on sexual personae to frame my argument about the tacit emasculation of men in the post-feminist/Spectacular (ie, Debordian) era.
But then I realised to do so was pointless, as all I would be saying is that I like Riz – she’s pretty and brainy, what more could you ask for - but whereas she is on one side of the screen, I am on the other and, I suspect, never the twain shall meet. I don’t want to spook Riz out either, just in case she or anyone else on London Tonight reads this.
Thus I thought it would be a much better idea to write about crumpets, which I occasionally buy in packs of eight from my local supermarket, and eat with butter and jam, occasionally honey and sometimes even with peanut butter (crunchy) if I’ve got any in the house. Here again, I risk beginning to sound like Nigel Slater, which is only marginally better than sounding like an earnest Cultural Studies grad from somewhere like Birmingham, so I'd best stop there, but not before saying:
Crumpets - one of the greatest bakery comestibles a Thinking Man can get. And unlike Riz Lateef, entirely attainable. I just can’t recommend them enough. Kevin Braddock
Next: Meditations on the Victoria Sponge Cake as against Channel Five weathergirl Lara Lewington.